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You're still the one i run to
The one that i belong to
You're still the one i want for life
You're still the one that i love
The only one i dream of
You're still the one i kiss good nite
 
 
 
 
 
 


Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss
It's getting better baby
No one can better this
Still holding on, you're still the one
First time our eyes met
Same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger
Wanna love you longer
You still turn the fire on

so if you're feelin' lonely don't
you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
so if I love you a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me I need you like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
Still getting closer baby
Can't get close enough
Still holding on you're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you, yeah
I remember the nights, you know i still do

So if you're feeling lonely don't
You're the only one I ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me I need you like I do
Yeah, believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

The one thing I'm sure of, is the way we made love
The one thing I depend on, is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin', it's why I'm saying
Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me if I need you like I do
babe, believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me if I can't stop lovin' you
no, believe me I don't know what I do
Please forgive me if I can't stop loving you
Can't stop loving you
 
 
 
 
 
 
Today JJ got enlisted into Tekong. He will be staying in there for his BMTC for 4 months.
Yes! It's 4 months, not 3. I have to suffer 1 extra month of not being able to be with him because he was unwilling to go retake his napfa. Though he is kinda big in size, i believe he will not fail his napfa. Probably get a silver or bronze. Wadeva it is, he doesn't have to go in now and miss my 21st birthday! He cud have enlist in april!
ARGH!!!! I am missing the idea of him now. hahaha....
Like someone who is there for me to talk to and complaint and rant about when i just wana talk.
And he have to listen to me because he doesn't have a choice.
And he meets me most of the time.
I really gotta find my own plans during the weekdays and weekends.
I'm suppose to have class on monday and thurs. Wed, playing golf with dad.
I guess tues and fridays wud be my free days....
Wad am i gonna do with weekends? God... this really sucks!
I'm waiting for his call...

The past few days was crazy for me and him... I won't elaborate here.
shall write it all down in a diary.. haha...
I'm bored! Blah....
 
 
 
 
 
 
In the beginning, everything seem all so nice and fine.
It's like when i ask for a burger, instead of having just a burger, i get an extra value meal, up-sized.
I never felt lack of something.
Now, this whole thing seem to have change.
What u expect may turn out even worst than you can every imagine.
I believe not many of you can ever figure out what i am trying to say, but i'll just say it in a very indirect manner cos i'm so upset over wad happen and i just need to rant.
Well, i just dun understand why is my fate so bad...
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn’t mean anything. It’s what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters. It’s the only thing that counts.”

That sentence was taken off Jen's blog. I think it's damn true to a girl obviously. Haha... Girls do love sweet talk to a certain extent. But all talk is just not gonna help. WE love actions more. You girls know it too... right? hahaha....
 
 
 
 
 
 
I miss feeling special.
I miss being treated like i'm special.
I miss my honeymoon period.
I miss the times where the only thing we cud think of is each other.
I miss the times where you would come and find me after my work cos the only thing i wanna do after a long day at work is just to be with u.
I miss the couple that use to lie down on the bed just admiring and smiling at each other.
I miss the couple that communicate.
I miss the slow kiss.
I miss the quality time.
I miss out on alot of things.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Work is usually the factor for couples to not meet each other.
Cos usually both are really exhausted after a day's work and all that could help is to go home and have a good rest at the end of the day.
How about one who is working and the other is not?

I can't continue anymore.
nvm...gd nite.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I am having mood swings again...
There is this unexplainable bad/sad feeling which i get quite frequently without any reason and it just dampen my n other ppl's mood.

Right now i suddenly wanna see alot of ppl...
I wanna meet Cheryl, Zanna, Gdine, Weiling, Yokemin, Zhi Rong, Knnth...
Ppl i'v not met for quite a while...

I'm having my final annual leave for this year...
No plans, no nothing...
Just wasting my leave away... Boring...
Make me dun feel like working anymore...
hai hai hai...
 
 
 
 
 
 
Yes! I am suppose to be happy and excited...
But, when i saw JJ's big family came to send him off...
I felt a sudden urge to just cry...
When i asked my dad to send me to the airport, he said "CANNOT!" and nothing else.
My mom has to go to work, which i can understand.
My bro has to work and luckily he is going towards changi so i left the house early with him...
I felt really sad... They dun seem to care about me...
I'm leaving soon and there's no calls from them at all... How sad is that...
And JJ, he'll never understand...
He dun understand why i even cry and am upset...
Cos he is getting all the parental love...
Never lack of them....
Anyway, i'll be back on Saturday...
Pls pray that i'll come back home safe!
bye!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'v lost my drive to continue working, my drive to go to sch, my drive to do anything.
I feel like singing, singing my heart out.
Playing guitar heros and sleeping my life away...
I'v always know that i can never lead a good life...
One way or another i'll have to suffer pain eventually....
All my happiness are just short-lived.
I have always known that i can never commit myself to anything...
Now if i dun work, i'm breaking my bond.
If i stop studyin, i'm wasting my dad's money...
My own r/s always drag me even far down...
I'm so afraid to be diagnose with a mental disorder...
i dun really wanna accept it...
I need someone, someone to care and keep me sane...
But i m pushing n pushing him further n further...
He can't take it anymore... i know...
I always screw things up...
i hate to cause myself to feel miserable...
 
 
 
 
 
 
I can't really describe how i'm feeling...
I'm pretty sure i'v inherited my grandma's psychiatric history.
I'm getting more and more temperamental.
Moods i can't describe. Feelings of being lonely, being uncared for...
It's so ridiculous.

I have to meet my frens

I need to party

I need to relax
 
 
 
 
 
 


This boy rock!! he is like only 5 or 6... definitely not 7... haha...
damn cool boy!! so cute summore...
 
 
 
 
 
 
Cheryl game me a mask to try last week when i went over to her place...
I'm not a very mask person but after i tried on the mask, i love it...
She bought it from HongKong SASA...... Not available in SG...
Then i called her to ask where she got it from and wad's the brand as i couldn't read the chinese words mon it... (JJ's aunt is going to HK so i tot of asking her to buy it for me)
I went online and search... Amazingly, there are alot of different types of mask.
I want to try all of it! haha... And below is the website to getting ur hands on it. it's quite cheap i think... maybe u can get a few and try it... =)

www.sunnanz.com.sg
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'm starting to get a clearer view of how real OT life is like...
How NASTY surgeons treat their nurses...
There's this particular surgeon called Joyce.C. She totally looks down on me...
I scrubbed the 1st case of circumcision today which is listed as hers...
The moment she saw me, she started saying i'm very slow.
Not just that, i was assisting the another doctor doing herniotomy and he got no assistant to help him retract, so i had to do both the assistant job and a scrub nurse job.
Joyce was using the computer and she said this,
"Sam, do you need help? if u want i can scrub in"
he said," uh... it's ok.."
"Oh in case you need me i can help, cos your nurse ar... dunno if she can anot."
Whalao... she like super look down on me la..
I cannot stand her arrogance... Y do surgeons come with such arrogance and character?
There are nice ones but there are alot of rotten ones too...
Joyce tripped on a Ultrasound wire when she walked into the OT...
Too bad she did fall flat... I wish she had... hahahaha...
It'll be so much better for me... Maybe she will fall flat on her face and her mouth hits the ground and her teeth drop out! OMG! Im so evil... lol...
I wish she leave the hosp... i dun wanna see her fucked up face! LOL....
Hate her!
The anaesthetist and her were kinda talking sarcastically about tripping over the wire...
The plug was broken into 2... and then the anaesthetist was quite afraid about the machine as it cost 75K.
Joyce(J): why is there a ultrasound machine here?
Anaesthetist (A): (i duno really know wad he said)
J: you all brought it to to trip Dr Joyce. C isit?
i was larfing so hard in my heart...
A: i'm more worried about the machine, it cost $75000
J: i am worth more than $75000
A: oh! so u went to see a lawyer and he told you you are worth more than $75000?
It was so intense... you could feel it in the air...
I kept quiet but i was damn happy.... She is so annoying! BITCH!
 
 
 
 
 
 
i'm at work now...
Sat is half day...
finish cleaning most of the areas... so i am secretly using the com...
It's been so so so damn l ong since i came online to blog...
I din even get the chance to go FB...
My computer is getting rusty...
I usually use it for less than 30 mins and then i off it...
Work is tiring but compared to the staff working in the wards...
I shud really count my blessings...
Though i work on Sat, but it's quite relaxing...

I feel like doing something today...
Go to the beach or bowling...
NO shopping for me cos this mid year i got no bonus!!!=(
i came out to work at the wrong timing...
So sad u know... argh!!!!

Ok... 30 more mins and i can go home! yea!!!
GTG now... bye...
 
 
 
 
 
 
It hurts!!!
Has things changed?
Or is my mood becoming really bad?
Things are definitely becoming more complicated...
Nothing is good now...
What happen to compromising and accomodating?
I just wanna cry. Probably that's wad im good at...
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'm at BK now with Kenneth doing my assignment...
It's been 3 hours and we haven been doing much...
right now he asked his insurance agent here to sell insurance...
LOL... trying to get rid of her actually...=X
But it's quite interesting so i asked a few questions...

Anyway, i am so sian of doing... i wanna go BBQ!!! hahaha...

I miss MUM and DAD!!! =(
 
 
 
 
 
 
Today is my second time scrubbing up for mastectomy case...
So exciting and tiring...
I'm sucha forgetful kid... always needing ppl to prompt me wad to do next...
I tot being in Day surgery, i wont be able to scrub for any major cases, but i heard all breast case will be done in the Day surgery... Cos the surgeons like it here... haha...
So lucky me!! I get to scrub for major cases!! yay!!! I'm so prob of being a scrub nurse!

Anyway, My whole family went to Taiwan this morning...
I kinda miss them... I suddenly felt so lonely..
I just wanna see mum and dad...
It's so weird being alone... 8 days u know.... hai....
Dad nv even leave me any money lor...LOL...
Too bad i couldn't go taiwan with them...
need to work for 3 whole month b4 i can start taking my leave...=(

Arite, i got netball at 6.30... byebye...
 
 
 
 
 
 
I am unhappy with no good reason...and i dun get it..
I shud be happy instead... I'v got someone whu is always there for me...
Making me happy all the time... yet i can still feel unhappy...
Maybe i'm having some sort of mood disorder... unexplainable...

I'm just letting my thoughts run wild... thinking alot...
is it becos i have started a whole new journey in life?
I'm now an adult... i have to act and be like one...
isit becos there will be more responsibilities?
I am not exactly feeling the stress... but is it creeping up on me unknowingly?
Isit my mum, dad??
I really dunno...
I am uphappy and i can't explain it...

Mikki's bday is coming... i dunno wad i shud get for her...
Mikki, if u see this, pls sms me and tell me wad u wan... hahaha...

alright...i'll end here...bye...
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ever since the start of work, i'v become more active in my daily life...
It's just that i dunno if i can keep up with it...
Work commiments, School commitments, Relationship commitments and i joined my KKH netball team, so i also have Sports commitments...
I feel quite proud of myself to be having all of this...
Juggling so many things.
In a way, i feel that this is how a perfect life should be...
Not neglecting ur health when work start and not neglecting ur brain...
But when sch and work get more stressed out, wud i still be able to handle all my commitment?
I really hope so... I feel quite blessed right now...
I'v got great supporters... though my dad dun show it... I thank him for sponsoring me in my degree... My mum can be quite annoying but she sometimes wake up in the morning and prepare my breakfast b4 i go to work...
Luckily i live really near KKH... Thank God... hahaha...
I think i need more time for myself... I got to start doing my research...
Assignment due on 29 May!!!
OK... i gtg now... do homework... slp early... Happy working tmr at 8!