“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn’t mean anything. It’s what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters. It’s the only thing that counts.”

That sentence was taken off Jen's blog. I think it's damn true to a girl obviously. Haha... Girls do love sweet talk to a certain extent. But all talk is just not gonna help. WE love actions more. You girls know it too... right? hahaha....

I miss feeling special.
I miss being treated like i'm special.
I miss my honeymoon period.
I miss the times where the only thing we cud think of is each other.
I miss the times where you would come and find me after my work cos the only thing i wanna do after a long day at work is just to be with u.
I miss the couple that use to lie down on the bed just admiring and smiling at each other.
I miss the couple that communicate.
I miss the slow kiss.
I miss the quality time.
I miss out on alot of things.

Work is usually the factor for couples to not meet each other.
Cos usually both are really exhausted after a day's work and all that could help is to go home and have a good rest at the end of the day.
How about one who is working and the other is not?

I can't continue anymore.
nvm...gd nite.

I am having mood swings again...
There is this unexplainable bad/sad feeling which i get quite frequently without any reason and it just dampen my n other ppl's mood.

Right now i suddenly wanna see alot of ppl...
I wanna meet Cheryl, Zanna, Gdine, Weiling, Yokemin, Zhi Rong, Knnth...
Ppl i'v not met for quite a while...

I'm having my final annual leave for this year...
No plans, no nothing...
Just wasting my leave away... Boring...
Make me dun feel like working anymore...
hai hai hai...

Yes! I am suppose to be happy and excited...
But, when i saw JJ's big family came to send him off...
I felt a sudden urge to just cry...
When i asked my dad to send me to the airport, he said "CANNOT!" and nothing else.
My mom has to go to work, which i can understand.
My bro has to work and luckily he is going towards changi so i left the house early with him...
I felt really sad... They dun seem to care about me...
I'm leaving soon and there's no calls from them at all... How sad is that...
And JJ, he'll never understand...
He dun understand why i even cry and am upset...
Cos he is getting all the parental love...
Never lack of them....
Anyway, i'll be back on Saturday...
Pls pray that i'll come back home safe!
bye!!!

I'v lost my drive to continue working, my drive to go to sch, my drive to do anything.
I feel like singing, singing my heart out.
Playing guitar heros and sleeping my life away...
I'v always know that i can never lead a good life...
One way or another i'll have to suffer pain eventually....
All my happiness are just short-lived.
I have always known that i can never commit myself to anything...
Now if i dun work, i'm breaking my bond.
If i stop studyin, i'm wasting my dad's money...
My own r/s always drag me even far down...
I'm so afraid to be diagnose with a mental disorder...
i dun really wanna accept it...
I need someone, someone to care and keep me sane...
But i m pushing n pushing him further n further...
He can't take it anymore... i know...
I always screw things up...
i hate to cause myself to feel miserable...

I can't really describe how i'm feeling...
I'm pretty sure i'v inherited my grandma's psychiatric history.
I'm getting more and more temperamental.
Moods i can't describe. Feelings of being lonely, being uncared for...
It's so ridiculous.

I have to meet my frens

I need to party

I need to relax

This boy rock!! he is like only 5 or 6... definitely not 7... haha...
damn cool boy!! so cute summore...

Cheryl game me a mask to try last week when i went over to her place...
I'm not a very mask person but after i tried on the mask, i love it...
She bought it from HongKong SASA...... Not available in SG...
Then i called her to ask where she got it from and wad's the brand as i couldn't read the chinese words mon it... (JJ's aunt is going to HK so i tot of asking her to buy it for me)
I went online and search... Amazingly, there are alot of different types of mask.
I want to try all of it! haha... And below is the website to getting ur hands on it. it's quite cheap i think... maybe u can get a few and try it... =)

I'm starting to get a clearer view of how real OT life is like...
How NASTY surgeons treat their nurses...
There's this particular surgeon called Joyce.C. She totally looks down on me...
I scrubbed the 1st case of circumcision today which is listed as hers...
The moment she saw me, she started saying i'm very slow.
Not just that, i was assisting the another doctor doing herniotomy and he got no assistant to help him retract, so i had to do both the assistant job and a scrub nurse job.
Joyce was using the computer and she said this,
"Sam, do you need help? if u want i can scrub in"
he said," uh... it's ok.."
"Oh in case you need me i can help, cos your nurse ar... dunno if she can anot."
Whalao... she like super look down on me la..
I cannot stand her arrogance... Y do surgeons come with such arrogance and character?
There are nice ones but there are alot of rotten ones too...
Joyce tripped on a Ultrasound wire when she walked into the OT...
Too bad she did fall flat... I wish she had... hahahaha...
It'll be so much better for me... Maybe she will fall flat on her face and her mouth hits the ground and her teeth drop out! OMG! Im so evil... lol...
I wish she leave the hosp... i dun wanna see her fucked up face! LOL....
Hate her!
The anaesthetist and her were kinda talking sarcastically about tripping over the wire...
The plug was broken into 2... and then the anaesthetist was quite afraid about the machine as it cost 75K.
Joyce(J): why is there a ultrasound machine here?
Anaesthetist (A): (i duno really know wad he said)
J: you all brought it to to trip Dr Joyce. C isit?
i was larfing so hard in my heart...
A: i'm more worried about the machine, it cost $75000
J: i am worth more than $75000
A: oh! so u went to see a lawyer and he told you you are worth more than $75000?
It was so intense... you could feel it in the air...
I kept quiet but i was damn happy.... She is so annoying! BITCH!

i'm at work now...
Sat is half day...
finish cleaning most of the areas... so i am secretly using the com...
It's been so so so damn l ong since i came online to blog...
I din even get the chance to go FB...
My computer is getting rusty...
I usually use it for less than 30 mins and then i off it...
Work is tiring but compared to the staff working in the wards...
I shud really count my blessings...
Though i work on Sat, but it's quite relaxing...

I feel like doing something today...
Go to the beach or bowling...
NO shopping for me cos this mid year i got no bonus!!!=(
i came out to work at the wrong timing...
So sad u know... argh!!!!

Ok... 30 more mins and i can go home! yea!!!
GTG now... bye...

It hurts!!!
Has things changed?
Or is my mood becoming really bad?
Things are definitely becoming more complicated...
Nothing is good now...
What happen to compromising and accomodating?
I just wanna cry. Probably that's wad im good at...

I'm at BK now with Kenneth doing my assignment...
It's been 3 hours and we haven been doing much...
right now he asked his insurance agent here to sell insurance...
LOL... trying to get rid of her actually...=X
But it's quite interesting so i asked a few questions...

Anyway, i am so sian of doing... i wanna go BBQ!!! hahaha...

I miss MUM and DAD!!! =(

Today is my second time scrubbing up for mastectomy case...
So exciting and tiring...
I'm sucha forgetful kid... always needing ppl to prompt me wad to do next...
I tot being in Day surgery, i wont be able to scrub for any major cases, but i heard all breast case will be done in the Day surgery... Cos the surgeons like it here... haha...
So lucky me!! I get to scrub for major cases!! yay!!! I'm so prob of being a scrub nurse!

Anyway, My whole family went to Taiwan this morning...
I kinda miss them... I suddenly felt so lonely..
I just wanna see mum and dad...
It's so weird being alone... 8 days u know.... hai....
Dad nv even leave me any money lor...LOL...
Too bad i couldn't go taiwan with them...
need to work for 3 whole month b4 i can start taking my leave...=(

Arite, i got netball at 6.30... byebye...

I am unhappy with no good reason...and i dun get it..
I shud be happy instead... I'v got someone whu is always there for me...
Making me happy all the time... yet i can still feel unhappy...
Maybe i'm having some sort of mood disorder... unexplainable...

I'm just letting my thoughts run wild... thinking alot...
is it becos i have started a whole new journey in life?
I'm now an adult... i have to act and be like one...
isit becos there will be more responsibilities?
I am not exactly feeling the stress... but is it creeping up on me unknowingly?
Isit my mum, dad??
I really dunno...
I am uphappy and i can't explain it...

Mikki's bday is coming... i dunno wad i shud get for her...
Mikki, if u see this, pls sms me and tell me wad u wan... hahaha...

alright...i'll end here...bye...

Ever since the start of work, i'v become more active in my daily life...
It's just that i dunno if i can keep up with it...
Work commiments, School commitments, Relationship commitments and i joined my KKH netball team, so i also have Sports commitments...
I feel quite proud of myself to be having all of this...
Juggling so many things.
In a way, i feel that this is how a perfect life should be...
Not neglecting ur health when work start and not neglecting ur brain...
But when sch and work get more stressed out, wud i still be able to handle all my commitment?
I really hope so... I feel quite blessed right now...
I'v got great supporters... though my dad dun show it... I thank him for sponsoring me in my degree... My mum can be quite annoying but she sometimes wake up in the morning and prepare my breakfast b4 i go to work...
Luckily i live really near KKH... Thank God... hahaha...
I think i need more time for myself... I got to start doing my research...
Assignment due on 29 May!!!
OK... i gtg now... do homework... slp early... Happy working tmr at 8!

Work has been giving me lack of play time...
School has been giving me lack of slp...
He's been giving me lack of time! LOL...
I'v always wanted to blog... But i have been so busy to do so...
Work at 8am, end at 4.30pm... Then on Tues n Thurs, gotta go to sch at 6.30pm...
Come home at 9.30, bathe and slp...
My day past quickly at home, but slowly at work...=(
Anyway, I'v been posted to MOT, recovery...
I requested to go into the scrub team... and my Nurse Clinician knows how much i also wanna be the scrub team...
Unfortunately, i was posted to recovery/AU nurse by the ADN(MOT big boss)LOL...
I did show my disappointment and all of them knew it...
But they tried to encourage me and tell me not to be dishearten...
And so i accepted it and went to recovery...
It ain't that bad afterall... The staff were quite nice and i felt comfortable...
By the 3rd or 4th day(i think today is the 4th), My senior staff nurse expect me to be able to run the place without counter signing...
And well, i was able to do most of the thing by myself... I was quite confident la...
Oh! and the staff are willing to teach...
I started to like being in recovery...
The patients... when they thank you for taking care of them, the kind of satisfaction you get... Really makes your day...
It's been 3 weeks since i started work...
But today... a fren of mine from Day Surgery requested to come into MOT...
She dun like DS... alot of politics and the sister there seems bias...
So my big boss called me in and asked if i wanna go to DS and she come to MOT...
I was quite reluctant... i didnt wan...
But when she said i could be a strub nurse in DS, i felt i was put in a very difficult situation...
On one hand, i want to be a scrub nurse, but i dun like DS (when i was a student and i was posted to DS for a day, the sister already thinks that i'v got an attitude prob and she finds me very rude).
On the other hand, I love and like being in MOT, the ppl there are nice and frenly and EVE is there wif me... Recovery isn't wad i wanna specialise in but it's quite nice being in there...
It was tough... But i had to make a choice and i chose DS scrub nurse...
But under 1 condition... If i didn't like being there and i still wanna be in MOT, i shud be transfered back to where i was...
I am actually enjoying myself in MOT... It's a pity i am going to suffer at DS...
Well, to make my life easier... I have a plan...
And that is to por my nurse manager... must learn how to sweet talk to her and be nice...
So that i can get good appraisal and more money!!! LOL...

Life is like that la... you can't always get wad you wan, and when u do, it comes with a price...

I'm going to nap now... damn tired...
nitey!

Nothing much... It's honeymoon period for about 2 months...
I must enjoy it! hahaha... Here are the pics... just a few of me in uniform... haha...

Hello everyone!! I went to vietnam for 6 days and got home on Tuesday...
My trip was shitty! On the 2nd day, my aunt and i surrender and said we wanted to come home aredi...
Went there with mum, grandaunt, aunt, uncle and uncle's gf...
Main purpose: visit mum's relatives...
I'v got an interesting history about mum's family...
My grandpa(mum's side) had 5 wifes... Heard he use to be a sailor...
3 wifes in SG, 1 in vietnam and 1 in Taiwan...
Currently my mum is in contact with her brothers n sister in Vietnam....
They asked her to go over to visit them...(which i think its a smart thing for them to do)
My mum's last visit was almost 10 yrs ago...
Anyway, all of them are poor ppl... but the sister manage to start her own business and now she is much better off...
When we were there... My mum and grandaunt had to feed the whole big family and ourselves...
My eldest vietnamese uncle had a wife and a kid, the youngest uncle had a wife and a 17 yr old daughter, the yougest sister had a 16 yr old son. We provide for them 3 meals a day... 1 meal, feeding in total of 15 ppl... (there's still ppl like my step grandma, and she also remarried and her husband is so poor, her kids are poor too...)
So we got a big family to feed for 6 days, all 3 meals...
And since we r in town, they brought us to restaurant most of the time...
Eating and enjoying good food they can't afford...
Ok la... to us is cheap but with so many ppl to feed.... one day we can spend up to $160 on food.... and only 2 person bearing the cost of it...
Mummy and grandaunt...
well... wad to do? mummy is doing charity... 6 days of charity... my singaporean aunt and uncle even tried to fork out $2000 to buy a motorbike for my youngest uncle in vietnam... And he is the most useless uncle....
he is alcoholic and when he gets drunk, he can become very abusive...
Anyway... i didn't like them around... even my vietnamese cousin...
about her... i will continue another time... My mum is forcing me to go somewhere with her...
and for the pictures... hmmm... i dunno how man... cos i have about 700 pictures to upload... hahahaha...

Have been out and about late at night recently...
Almost all my activities starts when the sun goes down and i'll only go to bed when the sun is rising...
I'm working night shift everyday! hahaha....
My dad got so unhappy that he insulted me...=(
He asked..."you're working isit?"
i'm like, "erm... haha..ya..."( i was kidding when i said ya..)
"you working as call ger right?"
"NO!!! wth..."
My dad is not happy with my night life like every night....
But i'm enjoying my holidays right now... i'm free to do wad i wanna do and i'm quite happy...
If work start, i think i'm gonna be happy too... cos i'll be too too too busy with work and studies and i can stop thinking about my messed up life...
And i wont have time entertaining stupid ppl and wasting my time....

I'm going down to the IT fair later...
I need to revamp my room... remove my TV and get a new printer! ahahaha...
I dun really watch TV anyway...
Hopefully i dun bum into ppl i know... hahaha....
but i'm sure i will.... at lease 3 ppl...lol

Bye... I'm gonna get myself stuck in a human jam!